The Compartmentalization Conundrum: pt. 3: Shedding the Muzzle

For so long I've suppressed so much of who I really am because I thought it was the only way to have even the barest of a social life.  Sadly, too, there were real constraints on me professionally which kept me having to maintain a public persona, which is a really weird activity at best, and at its worst, is soul-crushing.  Maybe I've been a coward all this time, but I sincerely did not want to risk tarnishing the beauty of what we were trying to accomplish in the choir with my tawdry little life and other interests.

It got hairy when I evolved, through my preparations for our choir trip to Rome, into a more traditionally-minded Catholic.  Suddenly, I was at odds with our more liberal-minded parish priest, and liberal-minded youth ministers, but equally suddenly found myself embraced by a wonderful community of traditional-musicians and liturgists and I kept saying "I'm just in it for the music and aesthetics" while trying to keep bridges intact to both worlds.  There was constant pressure that I declare a side and be on it or be condemned.  It was super strange.  My goals were really, seriously, all about doing things well and conscientiously bringing the best of me to each new task.

However, it's TIME for being clear and risk all those  

crispy-fried bridges.

I wanted desperately my whole life to be the best servant of God I could be.
I suppose I always will.
Catholic music, aesthetics and parish political life are especially MESSED up.
I am weary of warfare.
I failed, in spite of pouring my life into the war for fifteen years.
I never meant to imply that I would ever become all the things people were demanding I become in order to be loyal to causes within the Church which I never fully understood.
I will declare a side:  Truth, Beauty, and abiding Faith.
Ooops...not really a "side" is it?

PLEASE STOP TRYING TO PIGEON-HOLE ME!
NO ONE CAN EVER LIVE UP TO THAT LEVEL OF EXPECTATION!
YOU ARE JUST DEMANDING FAILURE FROM PEOPLE IF YOU DO!!!!!!

I refuse to comply.
The future is wide open and FREE.
I will play with my children and teach them joy.
I will make friends and costumes and raise a few eyebrows.
I will neither walk away nor run toward.
I will be faithful.

Now, back to your regularly-schedule daily bit of sarcastic fun from the Catastrophic Carleigh.