Changes keep rolling through, storms on every horizon, monsters rising from the deep, a tiny ship, just a few hands on deck, and me, the captain of this vessel, playing PoGo from the poop deck, hoping that if I just hang on a little longer, it will all make some jagged sense...
I wish I were at liberty to share all the things in my heart, but this is the fucking internet, so this isn't THAT sort of blog post. This is more of a "WTF????" and "BLAAARG" and "wait, is that solid ground I'm standing on? FUCK!" kind of post.
It's funny to wake up one day and really really really realize you're probably not going to die in the next five years like you were supposed to. Somehow that works on the mind, and there is a period of time where you think everything is new, but it's not. You're only just begun to discover the consequences of living your "next-gen carpe diem ---FOR MY CHILDREN!!!" lifestyle for so many years. Consequence #1: you were a terrible squirrel, so winter is proving to be a hard lesson in poor planning. Consequence #2: you are no longer willing to cruise along in abusive dysfunctional relationships waiting out your own death because "why rock the boat?" Consequence #3: being in my 50's is an essay on pain and life amongst the ruins of my body because eating and being sedentary were part and parcel of waiting to die, they were comfort.
My son started singing "Where do We Go From Here" from Evita while we were moving furniture one day. I really wish he hadn't summed up all my feelings in one of the most depressing songs I've ever heard. It was actually perfect, a perfect moment expressed by an autistic mind who just couldn't keep his thoughts inside his damn head. So, now it's the unsupressible soundtrack to all the changes.
All in all, there is daylight, but it is weak, and behind a bank of fog and clouds and rainy drizzle. My life is a soft quiet Seattle morning, and that's okay. Because eventually, the fog will lift, the clouds will part, and I will be able to see mountains and ocean and life again.
Here is a bright spot I stumbled on--- WHY ARE WE NOT ALL EATING CHIK-FIL-A SALADS????? This is a picture of a Cobb Salad from Chik-Fil-A and if you haven't had one, I'd suggest you stop what you are doing and at your FIRST convenience go buy one. BEST FOOD I have found in a very very long time!! The avocado lime ranch dressing is the best possible thing to put on them. Seriously. GO. TRY. SPREAD THE WORD.In the meantime, the empty house is driving me bananas. Someone please buy my house so I can quit cleaning it every day. KTHNKSBYE. Here's the link to the listing----
https://www.facebook.com/tyedensfordrealtor/photos/pcb.1124737554350226/1124736421017006/?type=3&theater
