That is the only way to describe the summer.
I have been so sick, so stressed, and having to white knuckle brave face it for hours and hours and hours of long days that eventually became long months of trying not to let da Creature know how hard life actually was for da Mama. It has been just awful.
Today is the first day of school. I am alone again for a few hours. Selfishness would dictate that I'd be happy about that, but all I see is failure everywhere. I failed to do all the summer things that would have more pushed him forward. I failed to be entirely enthusiastic about the things we did manage to do. I failed to love him as well as he deserved. I failed to get well on demand. I failed my Sunday obligations over and over again because I was too sick or too worried about the stress of Mass with him making me sick. I failed to be a good daughter and do things in a timely way to help my father build the mouse droid. I failed to return to work this fall like I had promised I would. I failed in so many varied ways it's almost unbelievable that a single person could fail so expertly at every single thing she tried to do, but....
There it is.
How do I recover from this staggering and humiliating series of unfortunate events?
Dust off the bum, get the train back in gear, get back to prayer and Mass as soon as I have help again with him, and try to solve health issues and emotional issues and see if solving one informs the other...
In the meantime, I suppose I'll blog some and see where that leads.
Toodles
